26 Aug 10 The Alcubierre Warp Drive
I have a couple solar masses and a few milligrams of negative mass/energy sitting around. Anyone wanna go into the backyard, have a few beers, and experiment on the cat?
The Alcubierre drive, also known as the Alcubierre metric or Warp Drive, is a speculative mathematical model of a spacetime exhibiting features reminiscent of the fictional “warp drive” from Star Trek, which can travel “faster than light“, although not in a local sense.
In 1994, the Mexican physicist Miguel Alcubierre proposed a method of stretching space in a wave which would in theory cause the fabric of space ahead of a spacecraft to contract and the space behind it to expand.[1] The ship would ride this wave inside a region known as a warp bubble of flat space. Since the ship is not moving within this bubble, but carried along as the region itself moves, conventional relativistic effects such as time dilation do not apply in the way they would in the case of a ship moving at high velocity through flat spacetime relative to other objects.
Read more about the Alcubierre Warp Drive on Wikipedia.
Tags: sci fi, science fiction, Star Trek, warp drive, wikipedia
19 Jul 10 Inception: Movie Review
Easily the best movie of 2010.
Today’s movies are drivel. At least, that’s been my consistent opinion since Lord of the Rings stopped coming out in 2006. It appears that movie theaters have settled for the near-constant stream of celebrity-voiced CGI movies, disgusting romantic comedies, week-kneed anti-hero action movies, and indy movies (all of which feature Michael Cera). So, my expectations were really high when the first reviews came back on Inception declaring it to be both cerebral, beautiful, and a true ‘movie’.
And it was. In a movie where typically reality is questioned, a very strange or complex substitute to reality is given. The Matrix has you think that humans are enslaved by robots, What Dreams May Come substitutes a new-age conception of an afterlife, Dark City has a world in perpetual night…and so on. But Inception eschews all the complex technical descriptions of ‘reality’ by simply stating that it’s all in a dream–upfront! And by putting the world of Inception into a dream, a shared common element among all filmgoers, they skip over needless dialogue and backstory and essentially establish a world of infinite possibilities.
The movie starts with the conception of a heist movie–a team must be assembled to achieve vast corporate riches in the near future, with some of the rewards being only the things that people with connections can grant–amnesty. This team each has their own specialties: researching a mark, providing funding to the group, architecting the dream, etc etc. But the movie then takes a wild twist–instead of stealing something, the group needs to plant something–an idea.
Even when the movie dives into action scenes or the multi-layered dream stories, all literally stacked upon each other in rapid succession, your brain needs to keep up with the multiple stories. One amazing scene, shot all at once, involves the characters in the back of a crashing van, all plugged into a dream machine; in the dream itself, they are in a hotel whose gravity reverses and switches. The incredible and complex way the stories interact with each other leave you absolutely shocked; when the characters are linked into the subconscious of someone being defibrillated, a huge electrical storm brews on the horizon.
While some of the movie is a bit needlessly complex–the explanations around the subconscious, limbo and time compression–the implications of this technology are incredible. You enter a dream world where time passes at twenty times the speed of reality–and if you enter a dream there, it passes at 400 times the speed–and if you enter a dream there, it passes at 8,000 times faster–and so on. You can eventually enter a state where you can spend lifetimes within a dream, creating your entire reality, with the possibilities only limited by your imagination.
Combining action layered across dreams and multiple realities, you are captivated, entertained, and enthralled all at the same time.
Christopher Nolan, he of the recurring actors and actresses, pulls together a lot of familiar faces for his latest: Michael Caine, Cillian Murphy, Ken Watanabe and others. And, in a clever nod to the latest two generations, he pulls in Leonardo DiCaprio (who’s really coming into his own as a mature, serious actor since the disaster of Titanic) and Ellen Page (capturing the millennials who think her life’s work is Juno). The entire acting cast was superb and did a good job of showing a kind of concern that strikes you as real but not melodramatic. A romance plot in the midst of this story (between Page and Dicaprio, for instance) would have absolutely annihilated this movie.
Everything else about the movie was perfect. Grade A acting, storytelling, character development, artistic direction and graphics. I was captivated from the beginning all the way to the end–which, in my favorite way–still leaves you guessing at the nature of reality.
Grade: A+
16 Jul 10 Nearly all of these made my list.
Check out the list of the Cerebral Sci-Fi Films That Wipe Our Minds. An absolute must-see guide for the movies I love and deeply embrace! On another note, I am going to go see Inception this weekend, and likely fall in love with it.
29 May 10 Sex and the City 2: Movie Review
For my birthday last night, my friends and I went to go see Sex and the City 2. First and foremost, let’s get something clear:
The most horrifying concept that I got out of this movie was that these women are considered to be liberated. These women are not liberated–they are enslaved. I thought that a massive #firstworldproblem hashtag should be added at the end of the movie, right before the credits. The problems these women face are problems involving excessive wealth, attention-seeking emotional issues, lack of parenting education, and complete disregard and lack of sensitivity to others., not to mention alcoholism. Power corrupts, and absolute powers corrupts absolutely–and somehow, we idolize these people who are at the top of the food chain, and jetset to restrictive theocracies like Abu Dhabi and call it a grand vacation. It’s disgusting!
In the movie, Carrie et aliae face the big questions that come after the entire marriage debacle from the last movie. Carrie is having trouble getting accustomed to married life: she wants more ’sparkle’, which equates to spending money frivolously and excessively (what else is new?). Here’s the thing–people age, people die, people grow weary. If fulfillment to her means throwing random $100 bills around, then someone needs to educate her on the rewards of community service or charitable donations of time and money. When she meets up with an old flame in Abu Dhabi, she of course makes the wrong decision, without having to pay any consequence whatsoever.
The other characters follow in suite, each with a vapid series of problems that only the rich can truly relate to: Charlotte, after having desired children for years, somehow can’t seem to actually figure out parenting. When her kid ruins a pair of vintage clothing, she nearly abuses her child–and then sobs and weeps for her own failure as a mother. Who wears stuff like that around the house? You’d think that after the first day with a baby she’d have learned not to be too dressy.
Miranda faces her ‘chauvinist pig’ boss at the law firm. When she up and quits, she faces the generic problems of not having a job–but it must be nice to still be able to afford a nanny, a trip to Abu Dhabi, cocktails and expensive breakfast. True poverty would defeat her. The one storyline from the series I liked was when Samantha got cancer and had to actually face a real problem that many women go to. Sadly, in the movie, Samantha is reduced to a culturally insensitive, menopausal masturbation sleeve.
A friend described this movie as ‘fluff’, and I would agree completely. The lack of any actual drama made this movie a major bummer for me–I’m hoping that eventually this show will either just fade away, or even improve to the point of real storytelling and drama. Otherwise, this essentially becomes snarky fashion porn for women and gays. The message, while silent, is consume consume consume–unsustainable, insidious, and an utterly depressing flag that women today rally around. They used to rally around bonfires of their burning bras.
Here’s the most hopeful question this movie poses: What will they make a movie on next? There aren’t many more topics. Although, it’d be fun to see each of the four women die some truly tragic (though fitting) ending:
Samantha: Implodes in a massive detonation of cancer and sexually transmitted diseases.
Charlotte: Eaten alive by wild boars in the middle of a fancy restaurant, with a live classical band playing.
Miranda: Lobotomized and left to sit in an institution, eventually passing away, drooling.
Carrie: Kills Mr. Big and herself in a fit of jealous rage over not being able to buy shoes or something frivolous.
Grade: F
Final note: Not only is this movie dangerous to women’s own conceptions of themselves as being beautiful if and only if they have the latest in fashion and shoes, it was particularly damaging to gay subculture as well. The gay wedding at the beginning of the movie, both orgiastic and stereotypical, had me cowering in my seat the entire time. Do people actually watch this and try to emulate it, in behavior and speech? If this is what the world would be like in reality, I’d have shot myself long ago.
Tags: carrie, charlotte, film, film review, gay, marriage, miranda, movie, movie review, samantha, SATC2, sex, sex and the city 2
26 May 10 No one writes a hateful review like Roger Ebert
The man’s a genius. Looking forward to seeing this movie on Friday…or maybe not.
Roger Ebert: Sex and the City Review
Some of these people make my skin crawl. The characters of “Sex and the City 2″ are flyweight bubbleheads living in a world which rarely requires three sentences in a row. Their defining quality is consuming things. They gobble food, fashion, houses, husbands, children, vitamins and freebies. They must plan their wardrobes on the phone, so often do they appear in different basic colors, like the plugs you pound into a Playskool workbench.
04 Apr 10 Movie Review: Clash of the Titans
Yes it's a 'movie', but then again so is Land Before Time 2.
Welcome, all, to another session in the torture chair at AMC Rosedale. I went with friends Kameron, Dave, and Jeremy–and while I had a good time with these guys, ugh, not another bad movie.
Before I begin, I have a question: In general, how is it possible to throw millions of dollars into a film project (Clash of the Titans had a budget of more than $125 million) and still get a terrible movie? As a director, as a screenwriter, as actors and actresses, wouldn’t you just be embarassed? I ask myself this all the time, and there is ultimately no satisfactory answer.
Maybe the movie doesn’t need to be good, it just needs to have the typical bullshit that will enthrall an American audience: generic billing, omnipresent marketing, a (vacant and drooling) message of liberty and self-determination, and finally action scenes every 10 minutes. It’s depressing to know that this gets a return on investment in the millions of dollars in today’s world.
Anyway, Clash of the Titans opens with a promising but ultimately overly long prologue. Titans, gods, blah blah, somehow-holy-yet-over-sexed Zeus leads the Pantheon, Hades is the bad guy, he’s all in black and he’s Voldemort. Typical adoption story involving Perseus, a child’s anxiety over being the adopted one, and his utter disgust of the vast amounts of power he, as a demigod, commands. Insert revenge story, heresy, and begin the action when a couple random babes are threatened, Calibos is hideous and treacherous, Perseus is good, and here is where I vomit.
So much better. Either follow the plot closely, or do a complete consistent rewrite, not your pathetic 'vision'.
While I wasn’t bored throughout the movie, there were a couple moments where I was actually rather angry/upset. As my friend Abby put it, “When they whip out the old electronic owl for 3 seconds…that was the best part…other than that, two hours of zero-plot bullcrap.” Here’s the thing, this was a funny point, but it was also incredibly insulting and a moment where I think the real humor was lost on the filmmakers. Picking up the golden owl, the Lead actor says: “What’s this thing?” and another character says, “Leave it!”
The director is making a reference to the 1981 movie he is remaking and saying how worthless it is–did anyone else get this?–essentially saying that a classic in fantasy storytelling, one that multiple generations saw and loved, really only contributes the title to the story. How insulting–3D CGI does not a classic make. In a few years, people will barely remember this film.
Or will we? A recurring thought throughout this movie was that this is practically another franchise, another easy to fund, produce and pump out movie series that we’ll need to see two sequels to make any sense of the plot. And even then it’ll only be to serve this vain, ineffective director’s vision of Greek mythology and adventure as the vehicle for generic late-American ideals of liberty, justice, history and ethics. Blech!
And finally, to the people who constantly tell me that I should have lower expectations when I go to the movie, I say moviemakers should have higher expectations for their product. Don’t marketshare-optimize your movie to the absolute farthest you can go–if Hollywood had been doing this since the beginning, then movies like To Kill a Mockingbird or Citizen Kane or Vertigo would never have existed. Instead create a unique, powerful movie that has not only great effects, but also a great plot and message.
As we left the torturous confines of AMC Rosedale, I asked Jeremy, Kameron and Dave if they wanted to hear my opinion on a movie or just skip this part. Like the good friends they are, they listened patiently, but didn’t share my frustration. I think the difference between what a good movie is for me and for others is that I don’t only want to be entertained–I also want to be immersed. I want to see a wholly envisioned world, without the market-share soundbytes, the empty conflicts, the convoluted plots, the things that tie us to our piddly 2010 lives. I want to leave the world and enter another…and sad to say, Clash of the Titans did all but nail me to my seat in the real world.
Grade: D
Tags: bad movie, Clash of the Titans, horrible movie, movie review
24 Mar 10 Movie Review: A Waste of My Time, aka Alice in Wonderland
I actually saw Alice in Wonderland a few weeks ago. I really haven’t bothered to write a review because it was one of the worst films I’ve been coaxed into seeing in a very long while.
Two famous, over-used Burton faces introducing a third for our public consumption.
I usually have a very critical process for screening movies, so I’m really to blame for the horror, revulsion, shock and disgust I went through. I didn’t look up critic reviews, didn’t look up other viewer reports, didn’t even check out IMDB. I just blithely went along with what others said and instead, condemned myself to a couple hours of badly faked accents and Disney’s take on women’s empowerment.
I should have stopped to ask myself: “But it’s Tim Burton! It can’t be that bad! Creator of the Batman movie, Nightmare Before Christmas, Edward Scissorhands, Mars Attacks!, and Ed Wood! Modern day classics…but also Corpse Bride and Big Fish and Sleepy Hollow. That should have given me pause.
Here follows some spoilers, but honestly, read them and be done with it. If you’re still debating seeing the movie this late into the game, maybe I’ll save a few souls.
The movie opens with the typical low-level Disney teenage rebellion story. Alice has been turned from the protagonist in a tale on absurdism and identity crisis into a standard Disney princess: dead parent, issues with the other one, betrothed marriage, etc etc. The entire opening scenes of strange English life were incredibly stereotypical. The only funny thing was that if this really were an English engagement party, Alice wouldn’t have the opportunity to say yes, or she’d be kicked out onto the streets of London to be another victim of Jack the Ripper.
Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum, the Doormouse, the Cheshire Cat and the Hare have all been reduced to modern-day CGI templates.
Alice falls down the hole into Wonderland again, abducted by the typical cast of zany CGI characters. Oh my gosh, hilarious, one of them drinks tea and is over-caffeinated! Original. Alice’s various size transformations are reason to give her ever-skimpier and fashionable gowns, something that will resonate with people whose primary news is celebrity fashion magazines.
Johnny Depp’s appearance is bland and over-emphasized. He’s barely understandable when he’s on screen and less likable for his obviously Jim Carrey-like acting. Why are all the male characters in this movie either stupid (Alice’s fiancee), crazy (Johnny Depp), or incapable (the Knave)? Oh, that’s right, because it’s a Disney movie and any male in his right mind would stop himself, like I forgot to. Disney understands this and doesn’t market to them.
Alice must fight with the democractic metaphor (the White Queen) against the totalitarian metaphor (the Queen of Hearts). People who’ve actually read Lewis Carroll will point out that the Queen of Hearts is from Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland, and the White Queen is from Through the Looking Glass, two separate stories. The Queen of Hearts has intimidated everyone in Wonderland and beheaded those she could not; somehow this strikes me as reasonable were I stuck in the hell-hole of Wonderland. No real explanation is given of the conflict between the Red Queen and the White Queen except in the last 10 minutes, and even then it’s not really resolved.
Sorry, the best part of the movie was hearing Christoper Lee’s voice through movie-quality speakers. Hello, Saruman, I’ve missed you. He’s essentially the Pokemon-style evolution of Vincent Price’s voice. <shivers>
Deep, resonant, and he actually says the words "ancient foe". Bravo!
The battle scene at the end was the worst. Typical CGI combat fare–things popping up and flying by the camera, cartoon-ish creatures oddly succeeding against cruel, evil Stormtrooper style-foes, standard ambient battle action in the background. Alice’s vapid reaffirmation of her beliefs in the midst of the battle to fight the Jabberwocky is really boring–it’s mostly non-religious ‘believe in yourself!’ stuff that you’d find in a book guiding teenage girls through life.
Worst of all, the absolute most terrible moment of all, was the consistent metaphors through the movie to ‘fudderwacking’. While Disney has, admittedly, taken a more open approach to sex and sexuality lately, it was still awkward humor. And the final dance scene, the hip-hop inspired catastrophe that I was too ashamed and embarrassed to watch (I cringed, I closed my eyes, I sunk into my chair) capped off this entirely terrible movie.
Tim Burton has lost his touch. Disney is still compete crap. Modern revisionism of ‘classic’ tales is cliche (Wicked, anyone?). And finally, an out-of-place hip-hop dance sequence tied into sexual innuendo in an all-white film is perhaps the final nail in the coffin for me to ever see anything like this again.
Grade: F
Tags: Alice in Wonderland, bad movies, Disney, horrible movies, terrible movies, tim burton, worst movies
21 Mar 10 Latest Musical Discovery: Ida
Tags: chill music, Ida, keep it all in perspective, New York, relaxing
13 Mar 10 Whenever I watch a movie…this is all I see.
A Trailer for Every Academy Award Winning Movie Ever — powered by Cracked.com
Tags: dumb movies, movies, movies fail, stupid movies
28 Feb 10 Theater Review: Macbeth
Yellow Power Ranger Catie and I went to go see Macbeth at the Guthrie last night. It’s the first Shakespeare play I’ve seen live since Merchant of Venice at Morris, back in my college days. The only thing I can say is: Stop reading. Buy your tickets now. Go see it.
First we grabbed a delicious feast at Murray’s downtown. We had calamari, French onion soup, crab legs and tenderloin medallions with red and white wine. Amazing good! It was worth celebrating our youthful successes with some adult-like dining.
Bloody, bold, and resolute (and fashionable).
We then headed on the the theater and arrived just in time. Walking into the Wurtele Thrust Stage, you’re caught by a really dramatic stage that looks like a ruined rotunda: black, burned, with bullet holes and trailing wires. Rubble, overturned chairs and bloody stuffed animals decorate the edges of the stage. It’s simple yet very effective. Our centers were nearly front and center, and had a great view of the action.
The play jumps right into a huge action scene from the beginning–lightning, thunder, soldiers rappelling from the ceiling, gunfire and dagger fights. By avoiding swords, they were able to have much more intimate and reactive fight scenes–knife-fighting is very up-close and personal, as compared to Shakespearian fencing. Macbeth slaughters a room full of Norwegians and Irishmen, and then meets with the three witches…and thus begins his tale of tragedy.
The entire play was awesome, but four specific scenes stick in my mind as brilliant. Lady Macbeth, near the opening, reads the letter from Macbeth and preens and stretches sexually on a couch. I’ve always thought of Mr. and Mrs. M as being a dysfunctional, unhappy couple–but this made their errors seem so much more real, to see a romantic and sexual side of them.
Next is when Macbeth goes back to the witches for his prophecy. The ‘cauldron’ is a simple, white-light lit hole in the center of the stage, and smoke on the stage pours into it eerily. The witches cast their ingredients into it and the three specters are the slaughtered children of Macduff–incredibly creepy and reminiscent of all those scary movies where little children are the monsters.
Next is when Macduff’s family is slaughtered–in a simple bathroom with plush, pink towels. The incredibly visceral scene is very difficult to watch, as a woman and her two children are killed on stage.
But finally, and worst of all, is the ending scene. While the play is set with guns and knives, and adorned in 1930’s-era military uniforms, the play’s bloody villainy connects back to Elizabethan times. Like being drawn and quartered, the final scene has Macbeth hanging from his feet, blood trickling onto the stage, as Seyton looks on in dumb, shocked silence. The theater was silent for a full 15 seconds before hesistant clapping began. It was simply too real, too horrible, and too connected to our times to really be something one would applaud.
How was it real and connected to our times? Macbeth and Lady Macbeth’s horrific ambitions, to realize their goals at any cost, links to today’s politicians and military-industrial complex. The weak sons of Duncan, unwilling and unable to raise an army to fight for good, shows world leaders in exile who will not face their own countrymen. And Macbeth’s interpretation of the witches’ prophesying ties back to so many world leaders today who believe they have a religious or higher mandate to do whatever to realize their ambitions. It hearkens back to Bush and Palin.
All in all: amazing. Theater almost 500 years old comes and touches me in Minneapolis, MN.
Grade: A
Tags: acting, actors, Guthrie, Macbeth, theater, Theater Reviews
