03 Apr 09 The Problem of a Good Date

This past week I finally went on a really good date. The connection was immediate and effortless. I had a good time and even went back to his place–rather rare with the way dates have gone for the past few years. Everything was perfect and I really would like to see him again. He was smart, sexy, cultured, we had the same opinions on movies and music, and he was a gamer. Talk about diamond in the rough!

The problem is that I’m not hearing back from him. No responses to my text or the one telephone call I permitted myself. I don’t want to overwhelm him, but did I wait this long to let an opportunity like this slip by me? It seems that all of a sudden my efforts of keeping cool and really becoming comfortable with casual dating has led me nowhere. I still have little control of my own passions and circumstances. Do I become helpless the moment I finally get impressed and attracted to someone? Or am I doing just a really good job of fooling myself the rest of the time?

Experiences like this tend to uncover my own neuroses and insecurities. Was the feeling of excitment and attraction not mutual during the date? Am I not as impressive as this young man? What qualities do I lack, or what character deficincies am I carrying around that are preventing me from really moving forward?

After a long week of invoicing and difficult client work, the weekend is presenting an opportunity for me to take action. What should I do? In the very act of pursuing a relationship I may lose one, by flubbing this excellent chance to be with someone. Or am I even thinking the wrong thing at this stage? Should I just let go and ‘play cool’ and see what comes of it? I’m not exactly a passive or patient guy when it comes to these things.

Tags: angst, bear, cub, date, dating, gay, introspection, romance