19 Apr 09 Unfortunate Additions to the List of Shame

I date a lot–by most standards. I tend to meet a lot of guys, just for drinks or dinner, very casually. I tend to think of it more in terms of socializing and meeting people, more so than particularly looking for a relationship. The vast majority of my dates lead to friendship and hanging out–not relationships–but there are those few that just are terrible dates and earn a place on the List of Shame.

1. The Saboteur

About three weeks ago I met up for a drink with a guy who found me online. He was very handsome, masculine, and smart–and a musician to boot. We talked at length about music and movies, and from even those conversations I could tell that he was very eclectic and cultured. When the date ended, I was near-certain that something good would come of it.

My calls and texts went unanswered for a week; by the time he had responded to me, our second date was kinda besmirched by the fact that he didn’t respond to me at all. Since that second date it’s been about a week and a half since he finally called me. He claimed that he always “sabotaged” these sort of situations, and that he wasn’t ready for pursuing something more.

Really? That explanation sounds flimsy. I can understand being “not ready” but “sabotaging” sounds a bit melodramatic. A simple solution would have been to call and/or text me…even if that was to say that you’re not attracted or interested. At least you wouldn’t have made the list of shame.

2. The After-Date Planner

Another recent date I went on was with someone I’d been flirting with since mid-February. He’s tall, common-sensical and very funny. He’s a great conversationist and very communicative. When we went out to dinner I found out (to my delight) that he’s also an eclectic music fan and very wise about the world. There were some disadvantages on his side–he lives outside the Twin Cities, lives with his parents, and is a smoker–but I thought we hit it off and that things were going really well. There was mutual attraction and it was fun to be with him.

As the date was ending, though, he mentioned that he was going to go to a birthday party in Shakopee, where a bunch of other gay bears were–and that he’d be “whoring it up” and “making out with a bunch of guys”. OK, seriously? This guy just won the Award for Ruining a Night in One Sentence. Oh–and by the way, he’ll be busy for the next 3 weeks. Goodbye!

Tags: bad dates, bear, cub, dating, gay, relationship, romance, socializing

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03 Apr 09 The Problem of a Good Date

This past week I finally went on a really good date. The connection was immediate and effortless. I had a good time and even went back to his place–rather rare with the way dates have gone for the past few years. Everything was perfect and I really would like to see him again. He was smart, sexy, cultured, we had the same opinions on movies and music, and he was a gamer. Talk about diamond in the rough!

The problem is that I’m not hearing back from him. No responses to my text or the one telephone call I permitted myself. I don’t want to overwhelm him, but did I wait this long to let an opportunity like this slip by me? It seems that all of a sudden my efforts of keeping cool and really becoming comfortable with casual dating has led me nowhere. I still have little control of my own passions and circumstances. Do I become helpless the moment I finally get impressed and attracted to someone? Or am I doing just a really good job of fooling myself the rest of the time?

Experiences like this tend to uncover my own neuroses and insecurities. Was the feeling of excitment and attraction not mutual during the date? Am I not as impressive as this young man? What qualities do I lack, or what character deficincies am I carrying around that are preventing me from really moving forward?

After a long week of invoicing and difficult client work, the weekend is presenting an opportunity for me to take action. What should I do? In the very act of pursuing a relationship I may lose one, by flubbing this excellent chance to be with someone. Or am I even thinking the wrong thing at this stage? Should I just let go and ‘play cool’ and see what comes of it? I’m not exactly a passive or patient guy when it comes to these things.

Tags: angst, bear, cub, date, dating, gay, introspection, romance

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08 Mar 09 Fur Flee Weekend – A Recap

This weekend, North Country Bears had their annual escape to the Great White North: Fur Flee Weekend. Never was joyful debauchery so…chilly. The bars and hotels were very gracious and accommodating this weekend.

I had a great time. It was nice to meet people and reconnect with old friends. Duluth is a beautiful city, and as we left early this morning, all of us in the car turned and said, “Goodbye Duluth!”

Following is a quick photo recap of the weekend. Enjoy all!