15 Nov 09 New branch of science: Facebook friend mathematics
I’m starting to have a problem on Facebook. My goal, to reach 1,000 friends by the end of the year, is becoming increasingly difficult. No matter how many new friends I add from various sources (parties, events, photography, jobs) I face constant attrition from other friends who un-friend me, remove their account on Facebook, or get their accounts locked. As it stands, I’ve been in the high 800’s for a couple months now.
Another problem I’ve recently hit my head against is trying to locate old friends–specifically, my exes–who have fallen off the map. There are still a bunch of people who went to Saints Peter & Paul Academy in Loretto that I cannot find, and there are many exes who I cannot find, either. While the problem with old, out-of-touch friends is that they are likely not on Facebook, the problem with exes is that information may be being directly blocked from my view.
Maybe in the future, when we can directly experience the information flow of the Internet, blocking someone will have a unique numbing sensation? I think that the act of blocking someone doesn’t bother me so much as the lack of information. I’m really not one to hold grudges–so eventually, after the dust settles from a breakup, I am keen to become friends again and carry on with life. Man is a social creature, and I don’t understand how some people need to excise individuals from their lives. Isn’t that painful? Isn’t it lamentable? I’ve really never done that and can’t fathom how I would go about removing someone completely from my life.
In the mean time, my goal of making 1,000 friends by the end of the year is becoming increasingly unlikely. But, maybe with starting a new job and all the holiday parties I hope to be attending, I’ll get very lucky and get those 139 people I need to hit 1,000 friends.
Tags: dating, Facebook mathematics, friends, searching
04 Sep 09 Grudges.
What sort of grudges do you bear? Against what or whom? I’m interested to know, because I’m not really one to hold grudges. Granted nobody has really done me a serious wrong.
03 Apr 09 The Problem of a Good Date
This past week I finally went on a really good date. The connection was immediate and effortless. I had a good time and even went back to his place–rather rare with the way dates have gone for the past few years. Everything was perfect and I really would like to see him again. He was smart, sexy, cultured, we had the same opinions on movies and music, and he was a gamer. Talk about diamond in the rough!
The problem is that I’m not hearing back from him. No responses to my text or the one telephone call I permitted myself. I don’t want to overwhelm him, but did I wait this long to let an opportunity like this slip by me? It seems that all of a sudden my efforts of keeping cool and really becoming comfortable with casual dating has led me nowhere. I still have little control of my own passions and circumstances. Do I become helpless the moment I finally get impressed and attracted to someone? Or am I doing just a really good job of fooling myself the rest of the time?
Experiences like this tend to uncover my own neuroses and insecurities. Was the feeling of excitment and attraction not mutual during the date? Am I not as impressive as this young man? What qualities do I lack, or what character deficincies am I carrying around that are preventing me from really moving forward?
After a long week of invoicing and difficult client work, the weekend is presenting an opportunity for me to take action. What should I do? In the very act of pursuing a relationship I may lose one, by flubbing this excellent chance to be with someone. Or am I even thinking the wrong thing at this stage? Should I just let go and ‘play cool’ and see what comes of it? I’m not exactly a passive or patient guy when it comes to these things.
Tags: angst, bear, cub, date, dating, gay, introspection, romance
26 Feb 09 The Commission on Reconciliation is out-of-office…
I recently fixed my contact list and saw that my ex-boyfriend was online. Despite the fact that we had a messy breakup and a fallout afterwards, I had thought we had kinda made up in late spring and things were cordial, if not exactly friendly. I was rather mistaken.
Me: How are you doing, what’s news with you?
Ex: same job, moved in july. what do you want, tom
Me: Just to say “Hi”…haven’t chatted in a while…
Ex: sometimes it’s best to leave sleeping bears lie
there’s probably a reason we haven’t chatted
Did this reason just have it’s one-year birthday? Seriously? While earlier in the conversation I had felt something was very wrong, this was the point where I /facepalm.
Ex: grudge or no grudge
I have absolutely no greater interest in talking to you today than I did a year ago
I’m sure I’ll see you around too
bye
This last jab, while probably meant to seem insidious, only made me yawn. I am not entirely sure how to feel on this. How psychologically unhealthy is it to harbor such a grudge for so long? Even beyond that, how much is it limiting or disabling this particular person to move on and be happy, even if they decide not to relate or communicate with me?
Tags: dating, ex-boyfriend, relationship
24 Feb 09 More People I Cannot Date
I’ve posted a personals ad online in the hopes of getting a date in the next couple weeks. I’ve had no luck, but like Edison, my failed attempts will only be educating me:
Mr. Terse
Mr. Terse was was easily the most promising candidate: he worked for the University, immediately suggested the Institute of Arts to meet, but most of his replies came in monosyllabic responses. They were maddening:
Me: “Have you been to the MIA before?”
Terse: “Once before. Quickly.”
Me: “How was work this weekend, have a good time? Busy grading papers?”
Terse: “Two, actually.”
Me: “So, I’m going to pass on going on a date–I will be going home to see my family instead.”
Terse: “Have fun.”
Mr. Stats
Anyone who responds to a date advertisement of mine on the web with a “Hai wot r ur stats r u a bttm or top?” will get deleted.
Mr. Woman
Despite the fact that I was obviously posting in a Men Seeking Men area, I got an email from a young girl who was “looking for a friend, maybe more”. PASS. Incidentally, I was reminded of the fag hag from Rick & Steve who declares herself an “alternative lifestyle companion.”
Mr. Spam
I’ve had this guy reply to a couple ads of mine–stats nearly equivalent to mine, being located on Marion Street in Saint Paul. Not a real human being, as far as I can tell.
Mr. Partnered
“Hi there, very nice ad, u sound like a really interesting guy, unfortunate for me cuz im not a bear (a bear lover) n partner (but open) lol otherwise id love to go out on a date’, or just hang out, anyways, good luck on finding a date that will worth ur while”
Deleted. Are you trying to invite me to be a homewrecker, or maybe convince you that some homewrecking might be fun with me? Well, seeing as how I care little for you, I might go for that, but for now I’ll pass.
Tags: Craigslist, dating, romance
