19 Apr 09 Unfortunate Additions to the List of Shame

I date a lot–by most standards. I tend to meet a lot of guys, just for drinks or dinner, very casually. I tend to think of it more in terms of socializing and meeting people, more so than particularly looking for a relationship. The vast majority of my dates lead to friendship and hanging out–not relationships–but there are those few that just are terrible dates and earn a place on the List of Shame.

1. The Saboteur

About three weeks ago I met up for a drink with a guy who found me online. He was very handsome, masculine, and smart–and a musician to boot. We talked at length about music and movies, and from even those conversations I could tell that he was very eclectic and cultured. When the date ended, I was near-certain that something good would come of it.

My calls and texts went unanswered for a week; by the time he had responded to me, our second date was kinda besmirched by the fact that he didn’t respond to me at all. Since that second date it’s been about a week and a half since he finally called me. He claimed that he always “sabotaged” these sort of situations, and that he wasn’t ready for pursuing something more.

Really? That explanation sounds flimsy. I can understand being “not ready” but “sabotaging” sounds a bit melodramatic. A simple solution would have been to call and/or text me…even if that was to say that you’re not attracted or interested. At least you wouldn’t have made the list of shame.

2. The After-Date Planner

Another recent date I went on was with someone I’d been flirting with since mid-February. He’s tall, common-sensical and very funny. He’s a great conversationist and very communicative. When we went out to dinner I found out (to my delight) that he’s also an eclectic music fan and very wise about the world. There were some disadvantages on his side–he lives outside the Twin Cities, lives with his parents, and is a smoker–but I thought we hit it off and that things were going really well. There was mutual attraction and it was fun to be with him.

As the date was ending, though, he mentioned that he was going to go to a birthday party in Shakopee, where a bunch of other gay bears were–and that he’d be “whoring it up” and “making out with a bunch of guys”. OK, seriously? This guy just won the Award for Ruining a Night in One Sentence. Oh–and by the way, he’ll be busy for the next 3 weeks. Goodbye!

Tags: bad dates, bear, cub, dating, gay, relationship, romance, socializing