My name is Thomas.
On the way to the Royal Palace, my parents’ landspeeder crashed in Waconia, Minnesota. Being accidentally born in this backwater province necessitated our family’s disownment and striking from the Royal Family. Instead, my parents raised me Catholic (next best thing) and taught me all about the value of being the most smartestest person around. When I got the hang of this second lesson, the Catholicism had to go.
Being raised in Loretto, we soon moved when the government’s taxation of lakefront property caused riots in several Minneapolis exurbs. Beginning our decades-long exile in Eden Valley, I entered the public education system at Eden Valley-Watkins Secondary, and even got a job as a computer nerd there. Compensation: enough to afford my dreams of visiting Europe and Russia.
Through various spelling mishaps and shady financial transactions I found myself at the University of Minnesota, Morris, in a school that said a ‘dorm’ was a ‘residence hall’, and that promised ‘real community, lifelong friends’ but instead reeked of unwashed sheets after a week. The school did wear away at my burning, ironclad determination to rule the world, but my new friends and teachers saw past my veneer of obvious superiority and see a lonely, hapless soul inside. The school subverted my brain with its liberal ideology and I became a hapless victim of free-thinking society: burning books like Atlas Shrugged and molding a bronze statue from Karl Marx’s death mask. I worked in a printing shop and dreamt of an empire of existentialism and art critics.
After graduation, I find a job in Minneapolis that might harbor my ambitions of rising to world dominance. Being careful to develop my plan and ensure my strategic takeover, they fire me a day before I begin the fiery insurrection. I then decide it is time to go back to what I do best (besides being evil): get a technical job with an actual skillset and develop it. Still an atheist.
Seriously, though, guys, I blog about everything. Both the mundane and superb, the incidental and the explicit. I write review, short stories and fiction, recaps of my world and its events and scribbles some disdainfully call webcomics.