31 Jul 11 Day job: nurse; night job: animal psychic

On Friday I went in for a flexible sigmoidoscopy to determine why I continue to have significant bowel issues. This has been a long time coming (I’ve had symptoms for a year) and the initial colonoscopy revealed that I had two major bacterial infections, which may be continuing. At any rate, I was in my gown on the procedure table, getting an IV put into my hand for the sedation drugs. The nurse (I remember her name perfectly, though she shall remain nameless) struck up a conversation with me.

Nurse: Do you have any kids or critters?

Me: Ahh, no, not right now. I used to have a cat!

Nurse: I have two kitties right now, Max and Harry. I’ve had them for seven years!

Me: <simpering smile>

Nurse: I’m an animal communicator!

Me: Oh…what exactly is that?

Nurse: Well, Max came up to me the other day and goes, “Moooommm! Where are the birds? Are the birds OK?” And when Max was a kitty, he met my friend’s birds. My friend is a shaman in California, and I called him and asked him if his birds were OK. He mentioned that a storm came through the other day and had upset all his birds! I think they must have psychically reached out to Max to tell him this.

Me: <stunned silence>

Nurse: In a previous life, Max was mauled to death by a dog and he really enjoys to have creature comforts, and others around him to have creature comforts too. So I know that when the birds were upset it would have an impact on him.

Me: <using all my willpower to mention the word ‘anthropomorphization’>

After that last line, I almost wanted to stop this nurse from continuing to hook and IV into me. Animal psychics? Are you taking some of these drugs too?! Ridiculous.

I await the results of my test. Besides the biopsies they took, I believe this woman is also looking to sacrifice a rooster and read its entrails, toss some bones and burn some sage. I’m interested to hear what they come back with.